The Help

When I think of a world in its perfect state, I think of what it would be like to achieve my very best self.  I imagine a transcendence of thought and ability within my soul that enables me to become the absolute best person I can be.  Best at advancing the kindness, love and hope in the world, offering that which is essential for others to see the beauty within themselves.  Here on earth as life stands right now there is a prevailing pain all around, every imaginable pain in every fathomable form and kind.  People do things to each other that I cannot comprehend.  I do things sometimes that I am absolutely ashamed of, that which I would be terrified to share or express to others, even those who are close to me.  There are things that no one may ever know about my present, about my past.  It may be good to keep those really awful things we’ve done in life to ourselves and then it may not be good, it may not be beneficial to you and to others.  Those neat little packages we wrap ourselves in and lives we portray to others can do more harm than good sometimes.  The daily facades we wear, carry, deliver, live, think, administer, hold, believe, derive, force, imagine, perceive and also, and equally as lethal to a balance of reality and fantasy, are the facades we expect from others.

We don’t need to go on pretending that we must be neat, we must be clean in front of each other.  Neat in our presentation of every, single, solitary thing we do.  My life is not neat.  My mind is not neat.  Neat in this case meaning persistently tidy.  Always tidy.  Why do we strive to always appear tidy to others?  What if the house is an absolute wreck for company?  What if the kid’s soccer cleats are all on the wrong feet at the game?  What if people came over and you just talked about whatever you wanted to instead of what was socially acceptable?  What if we tolerated each other more?  What if we invited the less desirable people into our lives instead of that same safe circle of friends?  What if we thought of ways to help others instead of what we can constantly do to entertain ourselves?  What if we spoke the words that were exactly on our minds instead of the baloney we deliver to each other daily?  In a perfect world, there would be no BS.  No BS about a host of things we think are clearly defined when they are muddy.  No BS about things being fine when they are crappy, just absolutely no BS.

Yes, on the other hand, in an unblemished world, we’d really have nothing unpleasant to talk about.  My days of late have included talking endlessly of the health of loved ones and myself, trying to figure what the next self-saving steps to take to achieve feeling better in these aging bodies.  I worry about my kids.  Are they going to be okay in a world where it just seems to get darker instead of brighter?  Will they add to the darkness?  No one knows.  I sure hope not.  But I don’t know that answer concretely.  I make my attempts to produce conscientious and kind children, but in the end, who knows?  Everyone seems to have their fail proof steps for achieving a controlled spirit in the bodies and souls of their children.  Is it so simple?  If I do x, y, z, will they just be okay?  So many unknowns surround us, but I continue to dream.  I dream of a world of people who stand against injustice and instill peace in those who society has given up on.  I dream of a planet whose big heart contains the goodness of man more than is does all of its evil.  

In the meantime, what are we supposed to do to keep from being bad, from being cruel, from being selfish, greedy or full of hate or worse, fake?  In too many ways that peaceful, perfect world I long for isn’t really here.  I have a hard time keeping up with being good all the time and so does everyone else.  I wish to drop my burdens, barriers and the bondage of longing for something more when I have many good things and people in my life already.  It goes hard, this life of trying to be good, but let’s just say I do have help.  I believe in my help.  The help.  THE help.  I know some say God will fix you right up.  Words spout off constantly of what God can do or who he is in this clouded, flooded posturing of thought and belief.  Supposedly, his help is an ultimate end to your, mine and our means.  Well, God can’t do anything with an unwilling soul, an unwilling mind or an unwilling heart and sometimes I have all three of those aspects of unwillingness.  My journey lined out in front of me gets pretty ugly at times.  Is there a magical prayer to God, to Jesus, that will clean up society or that will clean me up?  Maybe.  But more magical is the willingness, the steely determination to receive the help to be cleaned up and also the get up and go to do what we know we should do despite everything, despite our circumstance or anything else.  The hearts that make up the soul of city and nation must desire what the help of God, of Jesus His son can do and then that same soul of the very same nation must not use them as a scape goat or means to justify their half-baked, seemingly spiritual ends.  It’s a fine balance between grasping onto something that is hard to understand and standing on soapboxes to indulge our thirst for spiritual or religious acceptance from a whole host of others.  That’s a biggie.  Am I willing to be good and do good on this earth without thrusting my mindset unlawfully upon others or taking advantage of my belief system?  I see his help to keep a balance.  I want his help to find this special existence.  I believe in it.  I’ll take it for yet another day because I am willing.